28. December 2009 by Starr.

Jesus was in the Temple watching the people drop their gifts into the collection box. When a poor widow came by and dropped in two pennies, Jesus said, “This poor widow has given more than all the rest of them. For they have given a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she has” (Luke 21:3-4).

Have you felt like you have just given a situation or a person, “everything” you have only to come out of the end of it feeling like a “poor widow?”

I want to propose a couple of thoughts here.  Lets look deeper at this, because, if you are like me, when you read this, you might think….”Oh, but I’m not a widow, so, I don’t quite fit that.”  But anyone who has gone through the pain of divorce, or the pain of abandonment in any relationship, can understand this feeling.  Anyone who has suffered through a relationship where someone has gone through behaviors that reflect a “death” can cause us to “feel” like a widow/widower and feel as if we are in mourning. 

We know that a widow or widower is someone whose wife or husband has died.  So, lets look deeper at that word “died.”   See if any of these definitions fit for you.

1. To cease living; become dead; expire.
2. To cease existing, especially by degrees; fade: The sunlight died in the west.
3. To experience an agony or suffering suggestive of that of death: nearly died of embarrassment.
4. Informal To desire something greatly: I am dying for a box of chocolates. She was dying to see the exhibit.
5. 1. To cease operation; stop: If your vehicle dies, stay with it.
   2. To be destroyed, as in combat: could see the remains of two aircraft that had died in the attack.
6. To become indifferent: had died to all worldly concerns.

I trust the Holy Spirit will show you as you read this, which one is for you.  Look up the definition of death or died for yourself, and see which one fits, if you feel you are or have been a “widow/widower.”  For me, personally…when I read number 6…I knew that one was for me. 

Here is how this fits together:  Even though I was married technically, my husband, had died (in the number 6 way), meaning, he literally had died.  He had become completely indifferent to all of the concerns for my heartfelt needs, the needs of our children, and also our spiritual needs.  He was indifferent to me as a friend, a wife, a woman…He simply was indifferent.  That, my friends, was a form of death.  Yet, I was giving it all I had.  Even though, over time, I didn’t have much left to give….only about 2 cents at the end of things.  I was poor indeed.  God saw that as a huge offering, even though I saw it (and so did my husband) as small.  Then, he suddenly wasn’t indifferent to THAT, however.  Then, he would complain that I only had 2 cents to offer.  See how that works?  Know anyone like that?

Today,  thanks to God and His grace and mercy and forgiveness and strength, I am victorious over those feelings of being a “poor widow.”  It is now in the past and I am healing and moving forward in a newness of life and as any of you out there who have experienced divorce know, it is painful and not easy and days are very hard sometimes…and sometimes we do not have the energy to do anything but just cry and call on God.  He will see us through.  His strength is where our strength comes from.  He’s got us. 

Remember, some people give hugely, and think in monetary ways.  They think paying for things is the answer.  Others think fervent praying is the answer.  Maybe these two types of giving could also represent different times in our lives. 

Some days we have plenty of time and emotional energy for fervent praying.  Some days all we can do is pray, “God, help.”  We feel spiritually drained.  On days such as those, our two cents worth is what Jesus sees lovingly and He says, “But she, poor as she is, has given everything she has.”

“Our gifts to God, both in time, money, and emotional strength are measured by our reserves. God loves it when we give Him the devotion that costs all we have.”  Aletha Hawthorn

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love” (Psalm 51:1).

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27. December 2009 by Starr.

This morning I awoke early with a thought.  Icicles.  Consider the following haunting poem:

She whispered her song beneath the lonely street lamp,
Murmuring prayers in the whistling night’s wind.
She paused and listened intently to the silence about her.
All was quiet but the tapping of her tears against the ground.
This was a common ritual for her.
She spent many nights alone in the frozen streets,
Listening to the nothingness
And watching ebony contours moving in the distance.She stared at the lamp that arched above her head,
At the depressed icicles that crowned the light.
They were intricate, pointed, and translucent,
Just like herself, she thought.
Her fragile reflection shimmered in the icicles,
Revealing her exhausted and disheartened state.
The sight caused her to shake violently,
Weeping once more for a life she could not have.She was alone with her wet, stinging tears,
Alone with her icicle prayers and frostbitten memories.
And though this practice was indeed ordinary,
Though she had stood here countless nights before,
The solitude still made each of her bones ache.
This night was equally as agonizing for her,
For she knew that she had many more nights ahead
Of tales told and unanswered wishes made beneath a street lamp.

This morning, if you can relate to the feelings this poem emits, like a sad, frozen, aching statue, beneath a light that can’t warm you, within a “street” that is filled with life ….a life passing by, that you don’t feel a part of….this blog is for you and I have good news.

Consider this:  What, essentially, do icicles and popcicles have in common?  What is their purpose on this earth?  Is it just to be frozen forever?  Is the purpose of the icicle to just hang there sparkling in the cold?  Is the purpose of the popcicle to just sit in the freezer looking delicious? 

No, dear friend…their purposes, are to first….be enjoyed…for what they were created for, then secondly, to melt.  For the popcicle, the enjoyment and the melting process go hand-in-hand very tastily.  We can thank the icicle for being the original idea for that!  For, if it weren’t for the icicle, the popcicle would have never been invented in the first place.  But I digress.  Back to my point.

Sometimes in life, fears keep us “locked” and “frozen” in place, don’t they?  We simply are AFRAID to move ahead, so we never GET TO MELT.  We just sit there, frozen, for years, in the same exact state we are in, never changing, never fulfilling our purpose.  Some of us are afraid, and move too fast, so we RUN ahead, of something….like a child afraid of the dark…we just zip right through something and then leap under the covers.  When we do this, we miss the melting process.  We go so fast, we don’t have time to melt.  It is as if, we just poke our heads out of the freezer for a second, grab what we need real fast, then zip right back in.  We don’t really stay out long enough to change or to grow at all.  We only get a glimpse of what we COULD have, IF we had the courage to stay out long enough or to slow down, and handle that fear that is making us run.

But we worry….if we melt…if we get “smaller”….what will happen to us?!  Surely if we “melt away” then WE will be gone!  Aha…!!  But therein lies the beautiful thing called…”die to self” that Christ wants us to do and says we must do, in order to become a new creation and a stronger a better creation in order to find our purpose in this life in God’s will.   It’s such a wonderful and freeing thing!  It’s so much better than being cold and frozen and stiff and not being able to contribute to your own life, much less the life of others.  I wonder, how long will you let life pass you by before you decide to become smaller in order for God to build you up again?  How long will you choose to remain an icicle person?  Have you ever considered that maybe icicle prayers come out flat and frozen and stiff, also?  They lack the fire of the word of God, don’t they?

Consider some of these thoughts:  The witch in the Wizard of Oz who melted.  She didn’t want to melt, yet melting is exactly what that girl needed, isn’t it?!  She was definitely a cold person, indeed!  She was cold due to lack of compassion.  Granted, it’s too bad that she had to melt completely, and that she didn’t accept her melting as a good thing and make a change for the better, and that it ended up being the death of her.  I’m always feeling that it’s too bad a villian couldn’t make a turn around for the better, but if they can’t make a turn around for the better, if they melt by their own choice and doing, that’s their path to ooze into.  See what I’m saying?

Consider Frosty the Snowman.  He ended up melting, however, he accepted his melting process as part of life and in fact, saw it as, just another birthday, and said, “I’ll be back again someday!”  He was excited about it.  Remember Frosty?  Remember how he stood frozen, and until he was dressed like a person, he didn’t come to life?  Until he started “becoming real”  he didn’t really “get real” did he?  He wasn’t afraid to melt.  One thing I loved about Frosty, was that once he did get real, he just took off and lived!!  He didn’t just stand there saying…”Okay, I KNOW I NEED TO DO THIS, BUT I’M AFRAID TO” and stand there thinking about it all winter long.  No.  He moved.  It was the humans that were afraid of the melting and the moving.  Why are we afraid of the melting and the moving?  We are we afraid of so much change?  When, I wonder, did we learn that change was a bad thing?  I think it’s because it hurts.  We don’t want things to be uncomfortable.  We want it to be ….”easy.”  It’s just easier to stay frozen, isn’ t it?

Remember the Abominable Snowman in the Christmas classic “Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer?”  He was a grouchy, mean, frightening fellow at first, but soon, he allowed his heart to melt and he became quite different.  Know anyone like that?  I just love those people who allow themselves to melt from the inside out, and change their lives for the better.  He didn’t have to ooze into oblivion.  He went from being Abominable to Adorable.  

I encourage you to examine your life and to ask yourself at the beginning of 2010, where are you stuck? What is Abominable?  Is there somewhere in your life that you are frozen in place?  Remember, being frozen in body in a decision, starts in the mind.  Being frozen like an icicle is through and through.  You can’t be frozen on the outside and not frozen on the inside. 

I encourage you to talk to someone you trust to pray with you.  If you don’t have anyone, you can email prayer requests to prayervine@live.com.  This is where a confidential prayer chain begins where your prayers can be prayed over by prayer warriors in a town locally to where I live.  Being frozen is a prison of unbelief, of fear and it steals your life, your joy, and your victory.  Friend, you can take it back.

Just remember, change for the better is a good thing.  It hurts to have surgery to make something in your body better.  It hurts to remove a thorn, and it will  hurt a bit to melt.  Nothing is as bad as staying cold and frozen and lifeless ……that is not living, that is an unlived life, my friend.  A life unlived, is unacceptable.  You are worth more than that.  Much more.  We need to get out of our frozen states and “get real”…with ourselves, with others, with God.  We need to stop letting fears hold us back, stop saying…”yes I know I do” and stop there.  Knowing is not “doing.”  We actually have to take action. 

3John 2…Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.

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24. December 2009 by Starr.

7:10 A.M.  Rainy Christmas Eve.  Planet: Earth.  State:  Missouri.  Cheryl Starr’s Bedroom…Me…looking out at the rain and thinking the following….

So…yesterday I read on msn news that the fact that the virgin Mary was in fact a “virgin” was a …(Ready?….)…a MYTH DEBUNKED.  A Myth…Debunked.  So, the virgin Mary has now been put in the same file with the alien mothership, Sasquatch, the Easter Bunny and the Loch Ness Monster.  They said that virgin births were “possible”  (ahhhhh…that lovely key word there)  but only, only one in a million chance (don’t you love that word, only?)….only one in a million chance, in case of some odd calcium spike in the female system which could cause a pregnancy to happen, and even if it does, then the chances of a healthy birth are even rarer, but it is, “one in a million” possible.

Well, folks, I’ve heard of one in a million chances happening, haven’t you?  I’ve heard of people winning lotteries, and people having one in a million chances of surviving cancer and surviving it.  Ever read the book, “90 Minutes in Heaven?”  Don Piper actually DIED and was dead for 90 minutes then came back to life….THAT, friends is a one in a million chance, but it happened.  I’d say that the flood that Noah experienced was a one in a million chance.  I know for a fact, that things that have happened in my own life, have been one in a million chances.  The fact that I am sitting here this morning, nibbling on a bagel with cream cheese blogging this out right now, is in fact, a one in a million chance, itself.  Just the fact that I am whole, is a one in a million happening.  The fact that I get to write and work for God through my writing and publishing, is a (as many writers who try to publish and know how hard that is) one in a million victory, for I am nothing special.  I am no one special, with no special writing talents…I am just me.  It is through God that this one in a million thing has happened.

One in a million chance things that happen, are called only one thing:  Miracles.  They are NOT the same and cannot be put in the same file as Big Foot.  Oh, …..I heard someone out there say right then…”But, I do believe in Big Foot because I heard on Discovery Channel….etc. etc. etc…”…..so…why are we so open to believing in such things as that, but we are so quick to debunk the virgin birth?

The Bible teaches us that the Holy Spirit worked a miracle with the blessed virgin Mary with that pregnancy and birth of the son of God.  But some of us still need a medical, earthly explanation.  We don’t or can’t wrap our minds around the “miracle” train of thought.  That’s where we get tripped up.  Some things on this broken planet, my friends, can simply be explained as “God things.”   It’s just a God thing.  Only God can do it.  Only God can explain it.  Only God knows why. God’s purposes are so far reaching, and His dreams for us are so big, that it is astounding.  I pray that you give this concept a chance and ask Him to astound you. 

Think of Mary, for I am sure, when she was thinking of her marriage with Joseph, she never imagined her future, she never considered she would someday give birth to the son of God.  But she did.

I wonder, with our hearts and minds and lives open to what God has in store for us, what we will someday do?  God will do great things through our lives.  All He wants is for us to be willing.

Also, I was thinking this morning, that, God didn’t choose Mary because she was a virgin.  I am sure there were many other virgins on the planet.  He had other reasons for choosing her, that were pleasing to Him.  He had His reasons.  We do not always know why God chooses us for the tasks He calls us to.  This morning, I was asking God, why, for crying out loud, He chose me to get to be the one to raise my wonderful, glorious precious children?  Why do I get to be their mother?  For, I certainly don’t have it all together.  I doubt if Mary did, either.  None of us do.  I can only stand on the promises of God and I know that, as His word says, He will “guide me continually.”  I pray that He does something huge in their lives and in mine.  I pray that He will just blow their minds with His power and love and ….debunk the myths of this broken world.   Amen?  Amen!

Believe God for something huge in your life this Christmas and New Year. 
Remember, “With God, ALL Things Are Possible.”

The cookies never happened last night, due to the lateness of time slipping away from me….but they will happen today.  I’ll let you know how they turn out. 

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23. December 2009 by Starr.

Okay…so I’m ranting this time.  It’s 8 a.m. and as I was in the shower, my mind kept going over something that happened last night that was so annoying.  Actually, it has been happening since birth, but for some reason, it just seemed extra annoying.  I don’t know why.  Call it the week of Christmas.  Call it that I think, now that I am an adult, that people SHOULD, in fact, behave like adults, they shouldn’t be rude to others….call it what you wish….but…I’m rambling.  Let me back up…

 These people I am referring to are the ones who….when you call them, they will act like you are taking up their precious time.  They will get an annoyed “tone” of voice.  They maybe will even huff.  You know the type.  And so, you might ask them, “What’s wrong?” or “Are you alright?”  They will answer something like, “Yes, I’m fine, it’s just that “people” are calling and interrupting _____”  (you fill in the blank there).   And suddenly you feel like you are less important than whatever is in that blank.  Get the picture?  Don’t you just hate that? 

 So, yesterday, I went to my church to fax something very important off to somewhere very important and it was an emergency.  When I got to church, I got there in the middle of the Christmas lunch that my pastor was having with two of the church employees.  I felt horrible for interrupting them and apologized, but Brother Steve said to me, and I quote….”Oh, it wasn’t an interruption, do not worry, feeding our bellies is never more important than something someone else needs done.”

Oh, how my heart felt better!  Because, I did worry that I was interrupting their time of fellowship together.  Bless him.  Bless him.

But then I called a family member, and got the scenario I listed above.  Not once.  But TWICE.  And this morning, it is still just….making me feel like the bottom of the totem pole on a wonderfully gloriously foggy and cold December day when I have lots of great Christmas things planned.  And I am planning on not letting this keep me down and not letting it hold me down.  I will be victorious over this thing and get past it.

A time like this is when “Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You” falls into play very importantly.  Being disrespectful and rude, accomplishes nothing.  She didn’t know the reason I was calling was very important and I honestly did not need her huff and puff attitude at the time.  I shouldn’t have had to (and I didn’t ) take the time to explain what I was doing.  

When my father was alive, I knew I could always count on calling him at any time, day or night, no matter if he was in a meeting or not, and he would be there to talk to me.  I have a friend that is like that, also.  Don’t you love people like that?  I love people who are really “there” for us. 

But the truth is, sometimes, people really aren’t “there” for us.   I’m not sure why they choose not to be.  Perhaps they don’t realize that they aren’t being “there.”  Perhaps they do not realize they are being rude and disrespectful and treating us like we are not as important as whatever is in that _________.  (again, you fill that in for yourself…whatever is in your heart that you feel has been put in that blank for you from someone else.)  But, I think we need to simply keep watch in situations like this and learn who we can count on, and who we cannot….and simply not put all of our eggs in one basket, so to speak. 

There is always hope and faith that they will make a turn around and realize their behavior is unsafe emotionally for us.  We need to call on God for help and wisdom with this person.  But sometimes, people just choose to not see the light.  In those cases, we need to keep a wise distance from that.  I’m not saying we stop talking those people, I’m just saying, guard your heart, your mind, and your emotions…don’t take it too personally and put up that sheild of faith before you contact them, so that when they do “what they do” (you know what that is)….it won’t hit you so hard.  Leave it to God to handle. 

I DO know this….We can call on God anytime, anywhere, any time of day or night, with anything on our hearts, with any need, and He will be there to put us as His priority.  He will not put any _________ thing as a higher priority than us.  THAT we can count on, friends.  He has already overcome the world.  That is the person we can go to. 

Now…ranting this out this morning.  I feel better.  Now, I’m off to reorganize my downstairs, then bake Christmas cookies with some giggly children who can’t wait to get started.

Merry Christmas to you who are reading this and do not forget your Heavenly Father who places you in His highest priority.  Your name is written on the palm of His hand and Your heart is safe with Him.

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22. December 2009 by Starr.

Zombies. Ever given them much thought? Just for the sake of argument, lets think about them a moment. Think about a zombie movie you’ve seen….and we’ve all seen at least one. Okay…so…there’s the woman, caught off guard while her (now zombie) husband is coming at her, looking like her husband, walking semi like her husband, dressed (a little messier, i admit ) like her husband, but with a new blank stare. What does she do?

She thinks…”I should protect myself. Oh, but I can’t HURT him. That’s my spouse! My love! My best friend?! Isn’t he?” But then the next thought is, “But that’s NOT my spouse…anymore. This person, I don’t recognize.” So she stands there thinking, wondering, holding that baseball bat, or broom, or sheild or wall that she’s built up in silence, or goes into the bathroom and cries in desperation of what to do.
Ah…and therein lies the quandry, isn’t it? Who is he?! What do I do about it?

Dear friend out there that is reading my blogs, I can’t tell you what to do when you’re suddenly faced with the knowledge that you are married to someone that is NOT your spouse that they once were, and in fact the person that they now are, you don’t recognize. But I do know this: God will keep on guiding you all your life with His wisdom and counsel. (Psalm 73:24)

Also, keep in mind this thought: Sometimes people “choose” to have living will’s, yes? They CHOOSE to NOT be put on life support if they stop breathing. They CHOOSE to not do this. They do NOT want this for themselves. Sometimes….they emotionally “check out” as well. I’m not sure if these people are even aware of their own sad passings. I heard a title once, for these kind of people…”Dead man walking.” It’s so very sad to think of a life wasted and not used in power and joy for Christ…but sister and brother, reading this right now…sometimes we simply can do the best thing we know how…pray for them, leave it in God’s power and hands…place it at His throne and His feet and we can still live our lives in victory and freedom.

So, if someone in your life has chosen already to not breathe life into themselves, into your marriage, if they have already chosen DEATH for themselves….they are already gone. And within that, that is a death. A death of them, spiritually, emotionally, and many other ways that probably only God knows. Only God can resurrect what is Dead. You cannot do that. You cannot spend your life standing over them giving cpr to a dead person while your life is passing around you, while seasons are passing and your children are growing up and you are growing older. Time will pass on, while you are continuing cpr. Even hospitals do give up cpr after a few minutes. Quandry still: What do we do?

I propose this. (Keep in mind, I, simply am a mother, a child of God….a woman in a broken world…who has been down dark paths, probably many like you have…I’m not a psychiatrist or a counselor, I’m simply a writer, who has been there. ) I propose that we can take a token that represents this relationship, and we bury the thing in a way that is meaningful to us. We need to BURY A DEAD PROBLEM in a way that is significant to us. Take that token ( or perhaps you can just do this mentally in your mind, but I need a physical token to use symbolically ….I’m a visual person ) to a special place and ask God for guidance. Believe God to be huge and to do great things in this situation. After all, He does do miracles. He is the God that is the Alpha and the Omega. He has a plan for you and knows what He’s doing. He will guide you continually. Talk to God about it and give it over.

Remember this: “I have told you all this so that you will have peace of heart and mind. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows; but cheer up, for I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Bury that problem. Give it over to God. But you must truly trust God with it and put it in His hands, and then walk away from it. You cannot bring it back up yourself or try to resurrect it yourself. If God resurrects it, then you know God is in it. If He does not, then God has chosen to set you free. We know that the Bible says, “Who the Son sets free, is free, indeed!”

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this you will know God’s peace which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6,7)

I am not saying if there are problems, it is hopeless and already left for dead.  I am saying, if you truly feel in your spirit that your problem or your spouse has already left your marriage for dead, has left YOU for dead, has left your relationship for dead or has left him/herself for dead….try spiritual cpr…but if that doesn’t work….bury that thing …take it to God, and bury it.  Ask God to resurrect, and if He doesn’t….because ONLY HE CAN….don’t you go out there and dig that thing up yourself because sister or brother…what you dig up will not be the person that you know and love…(understand?  i know you’re getting what i’m saying…)….  walk away in freedom….the Son has chosen this to set you free and God’s Will is what you  are ultimately after. 

But, and here’s that dreaded, “but.”  But, be prepared for the mourning process that follows any death.  You will mourn, you will hurt, you will miss the person that you know is gone.  You will miss the death of the marriage, or the relationship….the death of the good parts.  That does not mean you want the bad parts back, because taking the bad parts back, will STILL NOT RESURRECT THE GOOD PARTS…see?  It still won’t bring it back.  Only God can do that…still.  Oh, I hope you hear my heart in this.  I pray you seek counsel from your pastor, or a counselor who will partner with you and God as you go through this, but I know this message is for someone out there who needs to know that God has a purpose, even through death, to give newness of life.  He So has this for you!!!  He’s got you.  Trust that.

I highly suggest reading…”The Purpose Driven Life.”  by Rick Warren.   You can get it on Amazon or used bookstores for about Five to Ten Bucks.  At Walmart New it’s about twelve to twenty.  If you are in a situation where you can’t afford that book, write me.  Send me your address.  I’ll make sure you get it free.

In Christ’s love,

Cheryl Starr

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